


Line Without a Hook

by Em (DisastrousGiraffe)



Series: Montgomery Ricky (by Ricky Montgomery) an Album Collection [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Dorks in Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Not too much, Sad with a Happy Ending, Songfic, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Good Friend, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Simp, but just a little bit sad, kagehina if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28774563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisastrousGiraffe/pseuds/Em
Summary: Kei didn’t know what the fuck was happening.Yamaguchi was holding his hand.They were on Kei’s bed, Yamaguchi’s head on his lap and, obviously, Kei’s hand in his own. And Kei, Kei didn’t know what to do. He was trying not to move, as to not disturb his best friend. He didn’t even remember how Yamaguchi ended up in his lap. He wasn’t even sure Yamaguchi fully comprehended what he was doing. And Kei was enjoying it, he was enjoying it so much.Or: A fic to the soundtrack of Line Without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery about Tsukishima coming to terms with his big, gay feeling for Yamaguchi.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Montgomery Ricky (by Ricky Montgomery) an Album Collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2109657
Comments: 6
Kudos: 83





	Line Without a Hook

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thank you for clicking on my fic! It's to the soundtrack of Line without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery (obviously), so i strongly suggest listening to it, especially when getting near the end :) This is my first fic ever so I really hope you'll enjoy it! (I also just found out text formatting on AO3 is really difficult so I'm sorry in advance)

_I don't really give a damn about the way you touch me  
_ _When we're alone  
_ _You can hold my hand  
_ _If no one's home  
_ _Do you like it when I'm away?_  
_If I went and hurt my body, baby  
_ _Would you love me the same?  
_ _I can feel all my bones coming back  
_ _And I'm craving motion  
_ _Mama never really learns how to live by herself  
_ _It's a curse  
_ _And it's growing  
_ _You're a pond and I'm an ocean  
_ _All my emotions  
_ _Feel like explosions when you are around  
_ _And I've found a way to kill the sound_

Kei didn’t know what the fuck was happening.

Yamaguchi was touching his hand, rubbing his thumb on his knuckles, kind of holding it. Yamaguchi was also half asleep after an intense afternoon-long study session. They were on Kei’s bed, Yamaguchi’s head on his lap and, obviously, Kei’s hand in his own. And Kei, Kei didn’t know what to do, his heart was beating like a fucking drum in his chest and he had trouble breathing. He was also trying not to move, as to not disturb his best friend. He didn’t even remember how Yamaguchi ended up in his lap. He wasn’t even sure Yamaguchi fully comprehended what he was doing. And Kei was enjoying it, he was enjoying it so much, the image of his best friend handling his hand as if it were porcelain, the feeling of a calloused hand on his soft knuckles. He let his head fall behind him, letting the warmth of Yamaguchi’s head on his lap warm him and the soothing rubbing of his knuckles lull him to almost sleep. He took advantage of this situation as much as he could, not wanting it to stop and knowing it probably won’t happen again.

He was almost asleep when he heard the front door open and the sound of his brother’s shoes hitting the floor. He started as if a bucket of water had been dumped on his head. He teared his hand away from Yamaguchi’s and stood up shoving Yamaguchi aside. He nonchalantly sat on his desk chair and faked doing homework, his brother entering the room as he was picking his pen up.

“Hey Kei! I’m home, mom told you she was coming back late right?” Akiteru spoke before even lifting his head to look at his brother, once he did he saw Yamaguchi’s still half asleep form on the bed. “Oh hey Yamaguchi! How are you? Are you staying for dinner?” He asked even though he knew the answer.

Yamaguchi sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Hi Tsukishima-nisan! Uh yeah I’d like to stay if that’s okay.” He smiled up at the older man who just smiled, nodded and left. “Ah Tsukki… Sorry i fell asleep, you could have moved me if you wanted to go back to your homework you know?” He just let out a non committal hum, shrugging.

They got up and started helping Akiteru with dinner, then ate in relative silence, Kei’s brother tired after his day at work. The two best friends cracking jokes here and there. Once dinner was finished and put away, Yamaguchi got ready to head back to his house, retrieving his schoolbag from Kei’s bedroom. “I’ll walk you home Yamaguchi. It’s getting pretty late.”

At that, Yamaguchi turned to look at him, “Ah! Tsukki you really don’t need to! It’s barely a ten minute walk! Also if it’s getting too dark for me, it’s also getting too dark for you! Don’t bother, really. I’ll text you when I’m home okay?” He did have a point, and probably didn’t understand Kei wanted to walk him home. But he just nodded, he wasn’t desperate for Yamaguchi’s company.

He went to his room, and ten minutes later he received, as promised a text from Yamaguchi.

> >> home safe tsukki!!! thank your brother for dinner for me please!!!!!!! see you tomorrow!!
> 
> >> I will  
>  >> Good night Yamaguchi
> 
> >> good night tsukki!!

* * *

Morning practice was bad, he didn’t block a single spike. His thoughts were elsewhere, even if he didn't like what he was thinking about. So when Coach Ukai yelled at him to get it together he was determined to at least block one spike before the end of practice. Of course he had to get hurt. His block was miscalculated and the ball hit his pinky with so much force he almost couldn’t find his footing when his feet met the ground. He gripped his hand and went to sit on the bench to let the pain fade away for a second, but someone was already at his side.

“Hey Tsukki are you okay?” Kei gave an affirmative grunt but it didn’t seem to convince his friend as he tapped his shoulder blade lightly and said “Get up, we’re going to the nurse’s office, I think you hurt your pinky pretty bad, and what good are you if you can’t use your hands to block huh Tsukki? You need to take care of them!” He continued rambling to Kei, as he usually did - though he did seem nervous - , and Kei answered with little sarcastic quips and hums. When they got there, the nurse examined his hand and bandaged him up, telling him to stop volleyball for a day or two. That was an inconvenience.

Yamaguchi seemed more bothered than him tho, “Wow if she told you to stop it must be pretty bad huh? Are you sure it doesn’t hurt Tsukki? Maybe we should’ve asked for some ice or a heating pad? I can go ask her for one right now if you want? You shouldn’t be in pain, you know that right?” He fretted on him like a mother duck to her ducklings.

Kei chuckled and answered quietly “I’m sure it’s not bad if I only have to stop playing for a day, Yamaguchi. It hurts a bit but I’m okay. No I don’t think I need those, thanks though. Yamaguchi I only hit my pinky, it’s okay.” And he lifted his head to smile at his best friend.

When he locked eyes with Yamaguchi he stopped walking for a beat or two, the concern he found in Yamaguchi’s eyes surprised him, he didn’t know his best friend was this worried that he couldn’t play for two days.

For some reason that Kei pretended not to know, Yamauchi always put Kei before himself, was always more worried when things happened to Kei and was always willing to give up things for Kei too.

He remembered when he was younger, a year or two after becoming friends with Yamaguchi, his friend asked him if he liked any girl in the grade, and he couldn’t answer. He’d just said he didn’t like anyone and had let Yamaguchi gush about a tall blond girl he liked, Kikuchi. Yamaguchi then had said that he could try and set them up if Kei wanted, the girl he liked and someone else. Kei had refused, he didn't like any girl in their grade, not even Kikuchi. He didn't think he’d ever like girls, he was satisfied being Yamaguchi’s friend. He probably should’ve suspected, then, that that wasn’t something you thought about a friend, not in the way Kei had thought it.

And Kei knew, he knew he had been onto something back then, that whatever way it happened he never wanted Yamaguchi to leave his side, because he got comfortable in their little bubble. And he knew he was being delusional, because Yamaguchi would get tired of him eventually, and would love a girl in a way he couldn’t love Kei. He knew one day he’d be alone for the first time since he could remember, because Yamaguchi was someone people orbited around and he was the one people were scared to get close to. He knew he would end up alone and he couldn’t do anything, because all he really needed was for Yamaguchi to be happy, and if that happened without him, then he could accept it even if it hurt.

He was scared in a way, because he knew Yamaguchi could bring the best out of him, he knew his emotions always felt real when he was with him. He knew Yamaguchi was the one who let him have passion, the one who let him laugh, the one who let him be sad. He was the one who knew Kei, who knew that Kei wasn’t always stoic or quiet, that Kei could ramble about dinosaurs for hours on end, or that Kei loved strawberry shortcake so much he often hummed when eating one.

Yamaguchi was the light at the end of the tunnel for Kei, except when he was with Yamaguchi, Kei didn’t feel like he was in a tunnel. And Kei was hopeless, he was hopeless in how much he felt like he wanted, no, he was hopeless in how much he needed Yamaguchi.

* * *

_Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you  
_ _I need you here to stay  
_ _I broke all my bones that day I found you  
_ _Crying at the lake  
_ _Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden?  
_ _And if I could take it all back  
_ _I swear that I would pull you from the tide_

“You’ve reached Yamaguchi! Hi grandma or Tsukki! You’re the only ones who call me so… Sorry i’m not answering my phone’s probably out of battery! Try later! Bye!” At the resounding *bip*,Kei hung up the phone and shoved it in his pocket. He should’ve gone to Yamaguchi’s house but he had waited for him too long and now he was late for school. He sped to school, the music blasting through his earphones making him feel weirdly lonely. Morning practice was good, he spiked a few sets and did a lot of good serves. Yamaguchi didn’t come. And he didn’t speak to anyone, didn’t feel the need to actually. The day passed, and Yamaguchi didn’t show up but Kei did get a message from him mid-morning apologizing for being sick. He ate lunch alone, and followed class without participating. He was tempted to skip afternoon practice but he knew Yamaguchi would scold for doing so, so he did go.

When he entered the gym, fully changed, of course Kageyama and Hinata were already there, setting and spiking, having run from class to get there early. Kageyama looked at him and barely nodded as a form of acknowledgement. Hinata being Hinata, runned to Kei.

“Hey Tsukishima!" he said breathless, “You’re a lot quieter today, are you okay? You didn’t catch what Tadashi did, did you? I hope you didn’t!! We can’t have two sick players. Well anyways you look like you’re dead, you have huge bags under your eyes!” he practically shouted to Kei’s face, as if he was trying to make up for the height difference. Kageyama appeared behind him and planted his hand on Hinata’s head, pushing him down.

“Oi dumbass shut up, he’s obviously being emo because Yamaguchi’s not here.” he let that hang in the air and turned back to continue playing, calling out to Hinata, who got back in the playing mindset instantly, forgetting Kei completely.

And Kei hated how Kageyama was right, he also apparently couldn’t function properly without his best friend. And he hated it, how was he going to live when this friendship frizzled because of time? Or completely broke because of his feelings?

* * *

He didn’t think he was doing bad, but he must have been since Ukai called out to him, “Tsukkishima continuing to practice today isn’t gonna do you any good, go home and get rest, do better tomorrow.” Kei didn’t fight it. It wasn’t not like he actually needed or wanted to be here. He gathered his stuff and changed, heading back home. He was actually going to Yamaguchi’s house, to give him the day’s notes and homework. Solely to do that. He wasn’t super worried. He was not.

When he got there, Yamaguchi’s mother welcomed him whispering, warning him that Yamaguchi had a really bad headache. She wasn’t even surprised that he was here.

He got to the boy’s room and saw him half seated on his bed, pale like his bedsheets. He must have been really sick, well he could’ve guessed that from the skipping school part but seeing it was worse.

He quickly gave him the day’s lessons, going over the harder parts and helping him on some problems for the homework. He stayed there a bit, watching an anime episode with Yamaguchi and then he headed back home. Not wanting to bother the Yamaguchi household any more.

> >> thanks for the homework tsukki!! i owe you one
> 
> >> No  
>  >> Of course I brought you the homework.
> 
> >> :)  
>  >> good night tsukki
> 
> >> Good night Yamaguchi.

* * *

Yamaguchi got better in three days, and every afternoon Kei brought him the homework. Once Yamaguchi was well again they got back to their routine, Yamaguchi socializing for the both of them, eating lunch together, going and coming back from school together. Kei really liked it. It was comfortable, and he could forget about suffocating feelings, letting the warm and fuzzy ones stay, sometimes even imagining things.

So really he should’ve known not to get too comfortable. Or that’s what he thought when he woke up to the sound of his best friend trying to muffle his sobs in his pillow after a sleepover. He didn’t move, he wasn’t good at comforting people. He wasn’t even good at comforting Yamaguchi. So he tried his best to go back to sleep, to ignore Yamaguchi crying because he knew that if he did something he would make it worse. Yamaguchi didn’t want him to comfort him.

He managed to sleep, apparently, because the next time he opened his eyes, it was morning. Yamaguchi was seated on his bed, playing on his DS.

“Oh hey! Good morning Tsukki! You wanna go get breakfast?” he asked, already getting out of his bed. They headed to the kitchen where they fixed themselves breakfast, Yamagushi’s parents already being out of the house. They ate on the couch while watching a documentary on TV, it was about whales and their mating habits. After a while they got up to put their dishes away and went back to the couch, Yamaguchi sat very close to Kei, his hand nearly on Kei’s tight. They both made commentaries and jokes about the documentary, and Yamaguchi eventually let his head rest on Kei’s shoulder, the movement was shy, as if he was scared Kei would push him off. But once he realized Kei wasn’t going to move away he settled and relaxed, even closed his eyes. Yamaguchi hooked their pinkies, and squeezed a bit, asking silently if it was okay. And Kei squeezed back, hoping to say a thousand things, but mostly that it was okay, it was more than okay.

A thought came back to his mind, a moment, the sound of Yamaguchi trying to quiet down his tears. He shouldn’t ask really, it would only prove to Yamaguchi that he had been awake and had decided to say nothing. But he was worried, what if Yamaguchi had something really bad he needed to talk about? “Hey Yamaguchi?” he sounded hesitant, unsure, he knew, but it had been a long time since he had to control his voice around Yamaguchi so he really wasn’t used to it.

Yamaguchi lifted his head up a bit, then let it fall back to Kei’s shoulder, as if it were too heavy for him. “Yeah Tsukki? You ok?”

“I am… That’s- That’s actually what i wanted to ask you. I- I know i should’ve said something then but- Well ha- Okay um, i heard you crying during the night and- i didn’t say anything because maybe you needed to be left alone and I wouldn’t have known what to say anyways but you know you can talk to me right? This friendship goes both ways, I really hope you already know that.” It wasn’t in his nature to hesitate and backtrack in his words but he guessed Yamaguchi did that to him.

Yamaguchi tried to hide his face from him as he answered, “Oh, I thought you were asleep, don’t worry tho Tsukki. I was really tired…”

And that didn’t sound right to Kei, you didn’t cry in the middle of the night because you were tired, the day is for tired crying, the night is for sad crying. “But-”

“Tsukki please. It was nothing.” Yamaguchi cut, softly.

And the conversation stopped at that, Kei wanted to push it, to insist but he also didn’t want to violate his friends limits.

He stayed at Yamaguchi’s the entire day, after lunch they decided to watch Yamaguchi’s favourite anime. He didn’t really remember the plot but he liked Yamaguchi’s reaction to watching it. He reacted everytime his favourite characters were on screen or when some plot twist happened. In the middle of the afternoon, Yamaguchi did it again. He grabbed Kei’s hand and held on, while pressing tightly into his side. Kei thought that from the outside they might look like a couple. He didn’t take his hand away.

* * *

One afternoon he overheard Yamaguchi and Hinata talking, he hadn’t meant to but he was passing by the gym, and they were talking. He didn’t really care at first but he heard his name. So he stopped and listened.

“... answer. I mean what was i supposed to say?”

“I don’t know! Maybe say you were worried about your sick grandma?”

He heard Yamaguchi sigh “Hinata. He’s my best friend. He knows i don’t have a sick grandma.” The tone is exasperated

“Right, right, right. Okay… Maybe don’t cry about him when you’re with him?”

“Ha, easy to say, that’s when I want to cry even more, and i can’t tell him. He doesn’t want to hear about it”

Kei stepped in, Yamaguchi’s eyes widened “How long have you been here?”

“Yamaguchi I tried to tell you that time that our friendship isn’t one sided but you didn’t seem to hear. I do actually want to hear about everything you want to share with me! And I understand there are some things you’d prefer me not knowing but please don’t refrain from sharing things with me. I want to know everything. And I mean it when I say everything okay? I really don’t want you to ever think I ‘don’t want to hear about it’, I do.” he stepped closer to Yamaguchi, flopped his hand on his shoulder and squeezed, “I’ve kept you around for so long for a reason, you’re my best friend.”

Yamaguchi blushed, he actually blushed, red from his collarbones to the roots of his hair, “Ah… sorry Tsukki!” at Kei’s glare he squealed and added “I mean, thank you Tsukki, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

The day went by, and Yamaguchi was in a good mood, which reassured Kei, he said the right things.

At night his phone beeped.

> >> tsukki thank you for what you told me today. i m sorry i m being sappy but it made me happy
> 
> >> I meant it. Good night Yamaguchi
> 
> >> good night tsukki!!!!

* * *

_I said no, I said no  
_ _Listen close, it's a no  
_ _The wind is pounding on my back  
_ _And I found hope in a heart attack  
_ _Oh at last, it is past  
_ _Now I've got it, and you can't have it_

Yamaguchi was holding his hand, in the street, on their way home. And Kei didn’t think he really realized what that meant. So he took his hand away and tucked it in his pocket. Yamaguchi faltered in his words for a second but he didn't stop talking. And during a week he would try holding his hand at random times and Kei would take his hand away. So Yamaguchi stopped, Kei was relieved, he didn’t want to have material to hope and dream about at night.

But that didn’t stop him, he still dreamt about his best friend in situations you shouldn’t dream about your best friend about. And so he distanced himself a bit, suggesting not to eat lunch by themselves anymore but rather with Kageyama and Hinata. And he didn’t know if it worked but it helped with the urges he had to tuck Yamaguchi’s hair behind his ear, or gently blow on the lash that got caught on his cheeks.

Yamaguchi cornered him one night. “Hey Tsukki, are you alright? I mean I feel like… you’re mad at me? Is there something I can do?”

And he saw Yamaguchi’s pleading eyes, begging him to share the truth, to reassure him that he wasn’t imagining things. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t let him have something that he knew would ruin everything they had. Because if he did tell Yamaguchi the truth, Yamaguchi wouldn’t feel the same, and they’d start being awkward around each other, he’d maybe start resenting Yamaguchi for not loving him back. It kinda hit him right there, he loved Yamaguchi, in a romantic way. He never admitted it to himself before. And well maybe having that realisation in front of the object of your affection wasn’t the smartest move. But he recovered quickly, going back to his train of thoughts, looking for an answer to give Yamaguchi. So he knew he couldn't give Yamaguchi what he wanted. He couldn’t tell him the truth because it would destroy the both of them. So instead, “I’m okay. I’m not mad at you, i guess i just, uh, i’m tired you know?”

And he saw it in the way Ymaguchi bowed his head, his eyes falling to the concrete, that that answer didn’t satisfy him, that he didn’t believe it. But Yamaguchi wasn’t gonna push, he never did. “Oh, okay, go easy on yourself Tsukki.”

And they left it at that, talking about the exams coming up and how they were going to prepare.

* * *

Hinata would not leave him alone. He didn’t know what god he pissed off to get the other boy to cling to him but he couldn’t do it anymore. The redhead was jumping around rambling about insignificant stuff. “what do you want?” Kei asked then, he didn’t know how else to get him to stop.

“You haven’t been listening to me? Oh my god Tsukishima, there is a rumor going around that a girl really likes you and she’s going to confess soon!!” he said, eyes shining. “You should totally say yes! If you don't, I'll be very disappointed. I know you get a lot of confessions all the time but she’s really cute! I think she’s your type.”

“And how exactly do you know what my type is, Hinata?” He asked his teammate.

“We’re friends of course I know your type! Just like I know Kageyama’s and Yamaguchi’s!” And frankly Kei was surprised. He did not think Hinata thought they were friends; but he’d go with it, the guy was funny sometimes.

“Wait... What are their types? And my question still stands. I never told you what my type is so I don't see when you would've guessed but…”

“Well Kageyama, it’s easy, his type is someone who loves volleyball as much as he does and maybe, but i’ll confirm that to you later, red hair. And Yamaguchi's type? Blond and smart. Mostly. Also! I'm good at reading people. I just guessed what your type is.” Well that was enough of an answer to Kei.

That night in his bed Hinata's words came back to him. Blond and smart? All that he could think about with this new information was that he technically fit Yamaguchi’s type, except for the fact that he was a man, but that thought was overwritten by the thought that he fit Yamaguchi’s type.

It really shouldn’t have come as a surprise when two days later a girl approached him during afternoon break and asked to speak to him in private. But he still looked at Yamaguchi in surprise as he followed the girl out. She was pretty tall, probably just a few centimeters shorter than Yamaguchi, and she had long brown hair that was kept in a high ponytail, her face was bright and open. She introduced herself as Murakami Azumi, and with respect but not appearing too nervous, she offered Kei a box of chocolates as she said “Tsukishima Kei, I like you please go out with me!”

And Tsukishima, for the first time, considered it, he thought about the fact that he was probably hopelessly in love with someone that would never return his feelings, the fact that he would need to get a partner and a family someday. And she seemed nice, she was pretty and he thought he remembered her from a university prep class, so she was probably smart. And so, feeling bold and defeated at the same time, he answered, gathering a smile on his face. “Okay”

And when he got back to class, a box of chocolates in his hands, he didn't have to say anything for Yamaguchi to understand. And the regret was instant when the second emotion that he could read on Yamaguchi’s face after surprise was heartbreak.

* * *

_Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you  
_ _I need you here to stay  
_ _I broke all my bones that day I found you  
_ _Crying at the lake  
_ _Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden  
_ _And if I could take it all back  
_ _I swear that I would pull you from the tide_

And so Murakami and he were dating, he really liked her, and that made him feel only more guilty to use her like that. After he accepted her confession, they became the talk of their whole year, the Tsukishima Kei had finally accepted a confession.

He took his new boyfriend role really seriously, he’d start liking her eventually if he really invested himself in the relationship, right? Right.

They did a lot of things together, he often walked her home, because he was a gentleman thank you very much. And they did their homework together, and most of the time they would eat lunch together. And he tried not to stop seeing Yamaguchi, but it was as if Yamaguchi didn’t want them hanging out anymore. And it hurt, so he just spent more and more time with Murakami, well, he started calling her Azumi after three weeks of going out, and she called him Kei. It felt weird.

But he was… content.

Three weeks with almost no Yamaguchi was hard though, he noticed it in his grade dropping just a bit, and his homework often got done a bit slower, he was also many times late to morning practice. And he knew where those problems were really coming from but, he prefered to blame it on the fatigue. Azumi was worried though, she would tell him to nap during lunch, telling him to rest his head on her shoulder, and all he could think of when he did that was how much more comfortable it would be if that shoulder was just a few centimeters higher.

After a few days, Azumi having an impromptu piano lesson after school, he headed straight home instead of walking her. He had his headphones on, the volume low, as it always was, so that’s why he heard the sob ahead of him, and as he looked up, he saw none other than his best friend, hand over his mouth as he cried his eyes out, leaning against a wall.

Kei sped up his walk to get to his friend quicker, and when he was close enough, he hesitated a bit before putting his hand on his shoulder and asking, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

Yamaguchi jumped out of his skin and looked up, his tears stopping from the shock of seeing Kei in front of him. “Oh hey Tsukki” he said, and a ball formed in Kei’s throat from hearing the nickname again after such a long time, Yamaguchi continued, his speech interrupted there and there by sobs and hiccups, “What are you doing here? I thought you walked Murakami home on wednesdays?”

“She had a piano lesson today.” He answered simply, his mind on other matters, “Yamaguchi, what's wrong? Why are you crying in the middle of the street after school?”

And Yamaguchi’s eyes started filling up with tears all over again, “I can’t say Tsukki it’s embarrassing” He said, attempting a smile.

“Come on Yamaguchi, I've known you long enough for you to stop being embarrassed by anything with me.”

“Tsukki, I miss you.” And he said it almost easely, and those four words, together like that, just ripped his heart in two.

He hugged Yamaguchi tightly, surprising the other boy who returned his embrace after a second, “I’m sorry Yamaguchi, let’s spend more time together again” and Yamaguchi just nodded, his arms tightening around Kei.

And there, Kei made a decision, he was hurting two people he loved and himself for nothing, so he needed to stop, he would break up with Azumi.

And the next day, he did it, he was walking her home and he started talking after a lull in the conversation. “Listen Azumi I, I don’t think we would be going out anymore. I really like you, you’re really nice, really smart and really pretty. I don’t really know how to say this but-”

“You’re in love with Yamaguchi?” She completed before he could even finish, a slight smile on her lips. And really it shouldn't have surprised Kei this much that she knew.

“Ah.. Yes. I’m really sorry, I really liked you and uh how can I repay you?” He was really embarrassed by the turn of events, really.

“Kei, let’s stay friends, I really like you too, the same way as you like me.” And she smiled at him, sweetly and innocently, and he knew she would stay his friend for a long time. He felt tears well up in his eyes and all he managed to do was nod and hug her.

He didn’t go home after that, he went straight to Yamaguchi’s house.

After knocking on the door he waited for one of the Yamauchis to open it, and it was his best friend who welcomed him inside.

He took off his shoes and silently followed him to his room, Yamaguchi wasn’t talking, a blank look on his face.He probably knew Kei had something to say, since it had been a long time since he showed up to his house unannounced.

“I broke up with Azumi”, that got him a reaction. Yamaguchi turned to him in a spin worthy of a ballet dancer and stared at him with wide eyes.

“You WHAT?”

“I broke up with her, i didn’t really like her like that, and she told me she didn’t either. She’s just gonna stay a really good friend.” He said trying to explain to the best of his ability without selling himself out.

“Oh… Are you okay tsukki?”

“Yeah I am. I just…” he paused, now was as good as any other time right?

“I’m gay Yamaguchi.”

He saw Yamaguchi hold back a laugh, “I kinda thought it was implied… Do you not know I am too?” And his tone was unsure but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing for kei.

“NO I DID NOT! What?” He asked, his cheeks burning.

“I really thought you knew Tsukki sorry, I would've told you earlier.” And he did look apologetic.

“Well… I didn’t” Kei couldn’t stop his mind from running a thousand miles a minute as it saw all the new opportunities that it had. Kei knew he still didn’t have a chance, but he wasn't as helpless for hoping now.

“Hey Tsukki, sleepover? We’ll watch that deep sea documentary!”

“The one where they talk about the gigantocypris?”

“Yeah that one Tsukki” Yamaguchi said as he patted the mattress beside where he was seated.

“Yeah okay” Kei got his spare pajamas that were always at Yamaguchi’s just for situations like that and he got ready for bed, settling beside Yamaguchi.

The documentary was almost over and he was almost asleep, as he fell asleep he felt his glasses being taken off his face and the sound of them beg put on the bedside table, the laptop was closed and left on the floor, Yamaguchi shifted on the bed, finding a position that unfortunately for Kei had them touching in la lot of places and when his best friend setted he heard him say “Good night Tsukki”.

* * *

_Darling, when I'm fast asleep  
_ _I've seen this person watching me  
_ _Saying, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?"  
_ _Guess there is something, and there is nothing  
_ _There is nothing in between  
_ _And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer  
_ _Watching over me, he's singing  
_ _"She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy"  
_ _He's singing, "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook"_

When he woke up, he felt a gaze on him and for some reason he thought better to not move.

He heard Yamaguchi, “I’m sorry Tsukki, i know i’m being selfish by hoping you love me back but- the timing wasn’t coincidental was it? I don’t need you to love me back but I need you by my side. I don't want to ruin what we have, I’m already happy with that but, what if i need more? Is it worth it?”

Yamaguchi began to sniffle, and Kei still didn’t move, he wasn't sure what to say if Yamagachi realized he was awake. “Tsukki, if I tell you about my feelings, will I ruin our friendship? If you return my feelings, who’s to say we’d last? And then I'll lose you for good. And if you don’t, will we be able to still be the same?”

After that Yamaguchi stopped talking, he didn’t lay back down, still watching Kei. And they stayed like that for a long time, Kei trying his best to look asleep.

When he woke up neither he or Yamaguchi acted as if anything had happened, they exchanged witty remarks and ate breakfast together.

“Do you want to watch something?” Yamaguchi’s tone was almost hopeful.

“I think I should just go home Yamaguchi, thanks for letting me stay the night. I’ll text you” Kei had to think, alone. Let his thoughts boil down. The person he was basically in love with confessed to him without knowing it the day after he broke up with the first person he’d ever been with.

When he got home he went straight to his room. He plugged his headphones in and closed his eyes.

He was good at analyzing, so he tried putting this talent of his to use. Yamaguchi’s thinking in the morning had followed his thinking, now that he knew that their feelings were mutual, he had to know what to do. Right?

Yet it wasn’t that easy, though his heart was on the verge of exploding since the morning knowing his best friend loved him, he still was unsure. What if getting with Yamaguchi just ended up hurting his best friend, he was bad at emotions, and he didn’t want that to fall back on the other boy.

But wasn’t that the whole point of a relationship? To make each other better? To know each other better?

He went to rub his eyes, the thinking giving him a headache, when he touched something wet. He hadn’t realized he was crying, the desperation of not knowing what to do wearing down on his nerves.

He didn’t text Yamaguchi like he promised. He couldn’t, and for three days, at school and during practice, they didn’t talk. Well they didn’t talk more than they needed to.

He knew he was the one who had to say something. And he missed Yamaguchi. So on the third day, as they were walking home together, he whispered Yamaguchi’s name, hoping Yamaguchi wouldn’t hear. But he did, and he stopped walking.

When he turned to Kei, his eyes were wide, hopeful. “What is it Tsukki?”

“I know we need to talk Yamaguchi, but I still need time… Could you maybe give me a little time? This is very scary for both of us.”

And he was reminded why he loved Yamaguchi so much when the boy just nodded and opened his arms for an embrace, Kei gladly accepted the gesture, hugging his friend close.

Yamaguchi tucked his head in Kei’s shoulder and said, “I get it Tsukki, take your time, but not too much please” and he giggled. And Kei’s heart melted.

He didn’t need much more time after that time, knowing that Yamaguchi understood.

So one Saturday, after volleyball practice and with his mom being out of the house he invited Yamaguchi over. They did all the normal stuff, but after lunch, both of them seated in front of the TV, he turned to Yamaguchi.

“Yamaguchi, I’m gonna talk now. Can I please let it all out before you say anything? If you say anything I’ll lose my courage.” Yamauchi nodded, a smile he was obviously trying to hide on his lips. “So, um. Yamaguchi Tadashi, I love you. And I'm pretty sure you do too, because I heard you say it when I slept at yours the other day. You’re my best friend and I was, I still am a little, scared that if I told you it would ruin what we have. I need you Tadashi, here with me, you make me better, you make me happy, and I can only hope I also make you happy. When I look at you I see someone so strong, so smart, so intelligent, so perseverant, so beautiful. I don’t really compute why you chose to be friends with me, I mean most of the time, I can't normally express my emotions and I have many defaults. I don’t deserve you Tadashi, because you’re this- this- this incredible young man and I’m just me. You’re, uh, a gentleman, gentle, nice, soft, you’re driven and brave. And I’m like, a line without a hook, I don’t have all those qualities you have.” He breathed out, stressed, “So I love you Tadashi and, I hope you love me too, and I hope we can go out, and make what we have even better, because I believe in us and I don’t ever want to lose you” He knew he was red, he couldn’t look at Yamaguchi anymore.

He didn't need to anyways to hear the little “Kei” Yamaguchi breathed out as he surged forward to grab Kei’s face and plant his lips on his best friend’s. Kei immediately put his hands on Yamaguchi’s neck and kissed back fervently. When Yamaguchi pulled back he chuckled, “Fuck Tsukki, you’re- you need to realize you’re much more than what you think you are. I love you t- wait! You were awake that morning! you little- you know what i don’t care, I love you too Kei. And you’re as much a gentleman as me don't worry.” He laughed “Of course i want to be with you! God I’m so happy right now. Please call me Tadashi all the time, I really, really like it oh my god.” Kei smiled, watching Tadashi ramble like that, he was also really happy.

He took his boyfriend’s hand in his, “I will, you can also call me Kei, I’d like that, but not all the time please, I really like it when you call me Tsukki.” Tadashi smiled and blushed more.

They cuddled in front of a new documentary, and when his mom came home and found them like that, she just muttered “finally” before asking them to set the table for three.

* * *

_Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you_  
_I need you here to stay_  
_I broke all my bones that day I found you_  
_Crying at the lake_  
_Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden_  
_And if I could take it all back_  
_I swear that I would pull you from the tide_

Tadashi stayed the night at Kei’s, his mother not objecting to the idea because she was in the room just over and they had to leave the room’s door open. And really Kei and Yamaguchi didn’t want more than just being close to each other so they didn’t mind.

When they were settled in Kei’s bed, face to face and holding hands, Kei talked to Tadashi, he said everything he had held in before, “I love your freckles, it’s like the galaxy has been painted on your face.” And that made Tadashi blush and mumble a fond stop, which just prompted Kei to continue. “I love your laugh, it’s the most beautiful sound in the world.” Tadashi buried himself in Kei’s chest, complainingly letting out a ‘tsukkiiii’. “I love your cowlick, I know this is gonna sound really weird but it’s like a dog’s tail, I can see your state of mind by looking at it.” they both let out chuckles at that. “I love your perseverance, the way you train so much to be better.” At that Tadashi’s hands gripped his shirt, and Kei felt him smile through his shirt. “Tadashi, I don't think i’ll ever say this enough, I love you. Also you may need to hear that more too so I'm saying it so you know i think it now , and always, you are so cool Tadashi.”

Tadashi lifted his head from where it was nestled against Kei, “Oh my god, who knew you could be so sappy? I love you too Kei. And everything about you.” He leaned up to kiss Kei and they kissed sweetly, gently. When they seperated, Tadashi chuckled “We should probably go to sleep or we’re gonna be zombies tomorrow.”

Kei was going to answer when he yawned, which was a good enough answer for both of them. They cuddled up and went to sleep.

The next morning Kei woke up to the feeling of someone watching him, just like the previous time, he didn’t move, he heard Tadashi singing to himself in a loop, as moved his fingers in Kei’s hair “Tsukki, Tsukki, the sleeping beauty. Kei, Kei for me he is gay.” At that Kei couldn’t help himself from bursting out laughing. He turned around, tears already in his eyes, to a tomato red Tadashi, apparently mortified he had been heard.

Tadashi couldn’t handle Kei’s gaze for long, as he put his head in his hands “Please don’t-”

But Kei had to. “Wow Tadashi, I think you’re the lyricist of our generation! Would you mind recording it? I need a new ringtone.” They both couldn’t breath from how much they were laughing.

They got up from bed, the embarrassment mostly pushed aside and they lazily made their way to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Kei’s mother was seated at the table, reading the news.

“Ah Tadashi, Kei, Good morning! I prepared breakfast for you two! Will you stay for lunch Tadashi?” She smiled at the two.

Before Tadashi could say anything, Kei spoke up, “Actually, i think we’re having lunch in town today, but thank you mom” Tadashi blinked up at him, surprised. Kei just smiled reassuringly.

He wanted to go on a date with his newly acquired boyfriend, and he had seen that a new gaming shop had just opened so he was going to take Tadashi there with him to see if they had any Pokemon items Tadashi wanted.

So they got ready quickly, and headed out to take the train to the city, as he was biding his mother goodbye, she slipped 1000 yen in his pocket, “Buy him a little gift, I’m glad you stopped being dumb” she looked around Kei to look at Tadashi, “The both of you.”

They sat on the train, their pinkies linked, Tadashi’s head on his shoulder, babbling about where they could eat and what they would do after lunch.

Kei led them to a little Italian place where they ate while talking, the conversation flowing between them.

When he walked them to the gaming shop after lunch, Tadashi was surprised and seemed overjoyed that Kei could’ve thought of that. Kei just smiled proudly and kissed Tadashi on the cheek. When Kei bought Tadashi a plushy and some cards, Tadashi rewarded him with a kiss, a real one. They took the train home and Kei took Tadashi’s hand in his, and he was happy. He could tell his best friend was happy. And that’s all he needed. Now he could tell Tadashi whatever he wanted. He could kiss him, cuddle him, hug him, hold his hand and they were both more than happy to do those things.

* * *

They told their families about the change of situations immediately, and both their families took it very well congratulating the two boys on, basically, getting their shit together. Akiteru was smiling more than Kei had smiled all his life, apparently more invested in his brother’s relationships than his brother. He kept going over to Tadashi and squeezing his shoulder, congratulating him, which made Tadashi blush every time.

After their confession, Kei had texted Azumi to tell her he was finally with Tadashi, and she admitted that she was also dating someone new, a girl from her class. They gushed together about their significant other and planned to get meat buns together one day.

And every night, Tadashi and Kei texted, never getting tired of each other.

> >> i just finished my homework for tomorrow lol im getting behind
> 
> >> Gee I wonder why, maybe you’re always whining at me to cuddle when we’re doing our homework together?
> 
> >> nah it couldnt be that im sure the teachers are just giving me more homework to make sure i cant spend more time with you
> 
> >> You’re ridiculous, good night Tadashi <3
> 
> >> good night tsukki!!!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed that! If you did I'll be super happy if you leave a kudos, and even a comment about how my fic made you feel! (you can comment a smiley, a sentence in the fic you liked, a emotion it made you feel... even a little constructive critique would be really appreciated!)


End file.
